Quilt-Hate…We’ve All Experienced It

Here’s the scenario:

You’ve found a quilt pattern you really want to make.

You pull as much of the fabric required from your stash as you can and purchase the rest.

Everything is cut out precisely, labeled, bagged, and tagged.

Your machine is cleaned, oiled, a new needle inserted, and you’re set to sew.

A month later (give or take, depending on your sewing schedule and the complexities of the pattern) the top is finished.

You spread it out to look at your entire quilt top and then your stomach tightens and your head buzzes, because you realize at that moment – you hate it.

Quilt-hate happens, whether we want to admit it or not.  I’ve experienced it, too.  And the reasons behind it could be a myriad of things.  We may discover the colors are “off” – too many muted colors with too many brights.  We may see we’ve cut off far too many points on our stars or flying geese.  There may be some not-so-pleasant memories tied up with the quilt. Or it may simply be the quilt looked better on the pattern than it does in reality. 

The reasons are varied and many.  But one fact remains.  We’ve now made a quilt we don’t like.   And to be completely honest with you, I’ve experienced quilt-hate with more than one quilt.  What I would like to share – from my studio to yours – is how I dealt with my intense dislike of a quilt and made the situation work for me.

I think the first thing you must do once you realize you hate the quilt top is to articulate what it is exactly you don’t like about the quilt.  Don’t be vague. Something like “The colors just aren’t working for me,” isn’t specific enough.  What is it about the colors you dislike?  Is there too much of a color you particularly dislike?  Is there a color which seems to dominate the quilt top?  Are there blocks you struggled with in their construction?  The reason it’s important to be specific is this:  In order to “fix” your quilt you need to know exactly what needs to be corrected to make you happy. 

Now take another good look at your quilt top and decide what you like about your quilt.  Again, be specific.  Hopefully there are several things you enjoy about your quilt.  Are the corners nice and sharp?  Are the half-square triangles perfect?  Do your flying geese chase each other gleefully around the top?  Is the applique just too cute for anything?  Articulate these things.  What you may find is the good qualities far outweigh the bad and in all reality, your quilt top is just fine.  What I’ve learned about myself is I focus way too much on what I think is wrong about my quilt, because either I struggled with that part or because I know exactly what I messed up on and that’s where my eye lingers – it’s the first thing I see when I look at my quilt.  If the quilt’s good points outweigh its bad points, I caution waiting it out to make a final judgement call.  Fold the top and set it aside for several days (I wait at least a week).  Then spread the top out again.  If you still hate the quilt top as much as you did, it’s time to look at other options. 

Option One:  Take a picture of your quilt with your cell phone. 

It’s good to do this with a neutral background and in good lighting (outdoors with natural sunlight is best, if you can do this).  This picture will enable you to look at the quilt more objectively.  Since you will have to distance yourself (physically) from the quilt to take the picture, you’ll get a different perspective of it.  As quilters, so much of what we do is so up close and personal, it’s difficult to get the “distance perspective.”  A quilt looks entirely different five feet away than it does five inches from your eyes.  You may find you actually like the quilt more than you thought you did. 

In your photo editing section on your phone, change the quilt picture from color to black and white.  If there is something about your quilt you don’t like, but you can’t exactly put your finger on it, the black and white photo may point it out.  It could be lack of contrast, it could be too much contrast, it could be too many light colors coming together at the same spot, so it looks as if your quilt has “holes” in it.  I’ve found it works even better if you can upload your cell phone pictures to a laptop or desktop and look at them on a bigger screen. 

Regardless, this photo exercise is a good first step in determining why you are suffering from quilt-hate. The information gleaned from the pictures will help you make some decisions – perhaps you can change the outer border a little to make the quilt more appealing to you, or maybe you need to remove a border.   What I wouldn’t do is take the quilt entirely apart.  Just…no.  That’s too much work and there’s still some options.

Option Two:  Do a little quilt comparison.

Normally I discourage quilters from comparing their quilts with those made by another quilter.  Every quilter has their own style, their own favorite techniques, and their own unique talents.  However, in the case where quilt-hate is involved, I think it’s time to do a bit of comparative research.  First, take that picture you took of your quilt on your phone and carefully compare it to the picture of the quilt in your pattern.  Is there something off?  Does something look not quite right?  I’m not trying to cast stones, but pictures can be altered, and there is the possibility the picture of the quilt in your pattern may have been digitally altered – in other words, the picture in the pattern may never match the directions in the pattern.  In short, the quilt you just made that you’re suffering through quilt-hate with?  It may never be as good as the pattern picture because the directions won’t produce that quilt.  In this case, the directions are the norm.  The picture is the abnormality.  If this is indeed the scenario, you’ll need to decide whether to keep the quilt the way it is or alter what you can.  This also may release some of the pressure for you.  If you followed the directions and the picture of the quilt in the pattern isn’t exactly the same quilt the directions were supposed to produce, it’s not your fault.  At that point you may be perfectly okay with keeping it as is.

If, after comparing the photo of your quilt against the picture of the quilt in the pattern, you conclude you did construct the quilt correctly, Google the quilt.  When the results come up, click on the “Images” tab.  This will give you pictures of the quilt made by other quilters.  Use these to compare and contrast the picture of your own quilt.  You may find the pattern worked better with a different color way.  You may discover other quilters changed some things up to make the quilt work better for them.  You may discover options you never thought about before and opt to use one of them to make peace with your quilt. 

Option Three:  Give it a vacation.

Notice I said “vacation” and not “abandon it.” 

Fold your top and store it out of sight for a while, but be sure to define exactly how long it’ll be on vacation – two weeks, a month, two months – whatever.  Give yourself enough time for your quilt hate to subside a bit so you’ll be able to look at the top with a calmer spirit and clearer eyes.  However, be sure to go back to the top when vacation is over.  I write the “return” date on my calendar, so I don’t forget, and post it on the outside of whatever I’ve stored the top in.  When the return date comes up, I spread the top out again and take a hard look at it.  Many times – most of the time, if I’m honest – I find my quilt-hate isn’t as bad as it was, and I can finish it up.

Option Four:  Ask others what they would do with this quilt.

This is a situation where it really pays to have good, knowledgeable, quilting buddies.  Show them your quilt.  Tell them specifically what you don’t like about it.  Ask them their opinions.  I have a close circle of quilting friends, and I value their opinions.  They’ve quilted for almost as long as I have or longer.  They will tell me if my problem is “All in your head, Fields.  I’m not seeing anything wrong with the quilt.  Get over yourself.”  Or they will be equally honest and tell me what they would change and how they would change it.

With this option, let me caution about on-line groups or Facebook groups.  Most of the time the quilters in these groups are just awesome.  However, there’s always that one troll who wants to be ugly and negative.  If your only quilting groups are cyber ones, be careful about posting a picture of your quilt and asking opinions.  Again, most quilters are wonderful folks and will help you anyway they can.  But there’s always that one person….

If you decide to post online and ask opinions, just be aware some folks may be ugly and prepare yourself.  As a matter of fact, you may just want to direct message a few of the group’s members so you can discuss your quilt privately.

Option Five:  Examine your feelings.

Upfront fact:  A quilt is an inanimate object.

Also fact:  We sew our emotions into our quilts.

We do.  Or at least most of us do.  Quilting is primarily a solitary hobby.  You may meet with groups and guilds a couple of times a month, but for the most part, quilting is a solitary act.  As you piece or quilt, it’s so easy to think about things troubling your soul, pray prayers for those folks who are in need, or just to reflect on the good times.  When I look at my quilts, most of the time I can tell you events happening in my life, where the fabric came from, and any emotional upheaval (good or bad) I was experiencing. 

If you’re like me, examine yourself and the quilt carefully.  Are there events or emotions happening in your life and are you projecting those into the quilt?  Are you consistently thinking of these events while piecing and quilting?  If the events or thoughts are really negative, you may hate your quilt because it reminds you of life’s rough patches. 

I know this well on a personal level.  I have one quilt I’ve been unable to finish.  I began working on it while my dad was in Hospice care for pancreatic cancer.  After he passed, I brought it home, stuffed it into the back of a closet and have not been able to touch it since 2005.  That’s almost 20 years ago.  I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it, but I can’t bear to toss it either. I have another quilt I started almost 14 years ago in a class.  Most of the blocks are completed.  However the instructor walked out in the middle of everything, under such dire circumstances that I haven’t felt like picking up where I left off.  I will one day – it’s applique and I love that technique.  I just need to dig it out.

Option Six:  Fight it out.

Finish the quilt.  Grit your teeth, hold your nose, do whatever you have to, but finish it.  Personally, I designate two specific hours a week to work on a project I don’t like.  I set a timer and when it goes off, the project goes back in its box.  I also make sure I have a project which I love to work on during the rest of the week.  This keeps me focused and it helps to know I have a “fun” project waiting on me.

Once the quilt you hate is pieced, immediately quilt it or have it quilted.  There’s something about the quilting which can completely change the character of a quilt.  The quilting can soften edges and simply make the quilt look different.  You may find your quilt-hate dissolving away as texture is added to the quilt top. 

But what if none of the options work?  What if I still hate my quilt?

If your quilt is quilted, give it away.  If you belong to a guild, see if the quilt would work for its charity program.  Then there’s always Project Linus.  If neither of these suggestions work, think about a friend or relative who would appreciate a quilt from you – especially if they’re going through a tough time.  A quilt would be like a tangible hug from you. 

If you realize that no matter what you do, you’re gonna hate that quilt for the rest of your life – so much so you don’t want to put the effort into quilting it or pay to have it quilted.  You could put the top on the free table at your guild.  You could post it on the online quilt groups you belong to and see if someone else would want it.  You could donate to Goodwill, Salvation Army, or a thrift store.  Funny story – I have a good friend who was four blocks into a yearlong block-of-the-month experience when she realized she hated it.  She hated the colorway, she despised the blocks, and she resented the way the BOM cut into her limited sewing time. Since she had a trip planned, she tossed the unwanted blocks in her car.  Not wanting to leave the blocks completely abandoned on her trip, she planned a stop at a quilt store.  She took the blocks in, shopped for a few minutes, took her items to the counter to be checked out, but craftily left the unwanted blocks with the store’s yardage.  Her thought was even if she didn’t want the poor, ugly blocks, they may be just what another quilter needed.   

There are options available to help you deal with quilt-hate.  And in the end, you may decide you don’t hate the quilt as much as you thought you did.  But if you do, and you’ve tried several options and they don’t work for you, don’t be afraid to banish that quilt from your sewing room.  Life is too short to drink bad coffee, wear uncomfortable shoes, or work on a quilt you hate.

From My Studio to Yours,

Love and Stitches,

Sherri and Felix